Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
