Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
