Betty ford says i'm here all night
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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