let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So vagazzling was a success
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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