one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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