Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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