Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
