So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
