gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize