Michael Bay diarrhea
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
