Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
