so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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