i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
