I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
