please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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