Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
