did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
