so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
