She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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