Quick, to the slutcave!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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