i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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