it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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