Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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