I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
