I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
