Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
