so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
