Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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