yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
