remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
