MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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