I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
