Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
