you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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