he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
