I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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