we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Mom said you looked used
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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