You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
