My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
