Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize