You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
