So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
