I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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