I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
