Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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