You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
