I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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