guys are not supposed to queef...right?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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