we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
