remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
