He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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