i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
