I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
