apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
