Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
