I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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