please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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