hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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