I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I cannot find my penis.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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