You really coming over, don't trick.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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