You smell like stripper and shame
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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