if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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