it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
