Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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