Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am mentally ready for anal.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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