her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
