also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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