Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
