Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it glows. i had to have it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
