Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize