I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
