booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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