if i can run in heels then i can drive
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
