i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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