i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Randomize
