Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize