I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
