$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
