I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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