Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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