You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
