She is in my trunk
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
