fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
