and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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