you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
