yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Randomize
