I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
