she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
