I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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